Thursday, September 26, 2019

I'm still here!


As I dust off the ol' blog, my computer indicates to me that I managed a whopping ONE blog post all summer long (since MAY actually, if we are being particular...) which either means a) I was overwhelmed by the presence of three children and then some all day every day over the past 3+ months b) I was busy working on other projects c) we were gone all the freaking time or d) I was struggling with my own well-being and went totally internal or e) all of the above. 

If you answered "e," you score 100% on this here pop quiz. I'll suffice it to say that I am extremely glad the Summer of 2019 is officially behind me! We started off well but then it was pretty much all downhill from there. Our summer lacked both margin and healthy structure, and add onto that, the fact that I was suboptimally medicated and it was a recipe for disaster. I was anxious, unable to make decisions and my thought life was in the toilet. OCD had once again taken residence in our household and, most annoyingly, this time I couldn't even assign the blame to my kids.

So that was super fun. But I'm happy to say we have righted the ship! I am now on a new medication and it's working (halleljuah!) and I find myself cheerful and peppy again EVEN ON CLOUDY DAYS...which is really saying something for anyone who knows me well. It's miraculous and honestly so very lovely.

Do you want to know what else is so lovely? Having three kids in school!!! I thought I would be so mopey and sad sending my baby off to school but the truth is, second only to getting married and having kids, sending three kids off to school is probably the best thing that has ever happened to me. And I mean that in the best and most loving possible way. Obviously I love them dearly. I love them when they are in my care. And I also love them when they are in the care of someone else. The combination is the one of those two options that I would highly recommend. Only time will tell if loneliness eventually sets in but right now I'm thrilled to be basking in margin (cleaning my window gutters!), holding myself to some regular writing exercises, expanding my garden, working out regularly, leisurely planning a dinner menu for the week (not scribbling down a quick list in the parking lot of the grocery store before I go in), and catching up on a decade's worth of projects that I have fallen behind on (like vacuuming the ceiling cobwebs and scrubbing the doors). 

I'm not sure what my presence here on the blog will look like in the coming season with other writing projects I have in the works but I'm hopeful I will still be able to use this space for some creative writing ventures as well as a venting place to find solidarity when motherhood kicks my booty. I would also love to log some new recipe favorites...but we can't have it all. ;)

2 comments:

  1. Sorry to hear about the rough summer! Mine was....meh. glad you are feeling better! Yay for new drugs and modern medicine! Also, have you done the new dna dna testing that tells you basically what drug is best for your genetic makeup?

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    Replies
    1. What!? That’s a thing?! That’s amazing! Ha. No. No DNA testing but I have now been on enough different varieties that you might be able to call my own personal experience its own form of testing. This new one is a new method of action (not an SSRI) And it seems to be doing the trick!

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