Saturday, June 18, 2016

a frustrated writer

On Tuesday night, I finally put to words what I've been feeling for quite some time: I am a frustrated writer. I think about writing almost constantly, new content and ideas always swirling in my brain. I look ahead for the next possible second when I can express behind the keyboard. These moments are rare, far too rare in my books. I have big dreams brewing and I feel like I am on the brink of exploding with my passion for penning words to paper. It feels silly. I question my skill level and lack of training. I tell myself any deficit in talent, I'll make up for in enthusiasm and drive.

Then finally, my opportunity to write arrives. And I sit, paralyzed. The words don't flow or they feel ridiculous or embarrassing. Often instead of clicking the keys, I find myself organizing photos or paying bills or some other task that couldn't be further from my goal of writing. I switch gears and decide to work on the technical side of my website (which I will be the first to admit is NOT my gifting). Immersed in HTML code and drowning in frustration, I waste away hours and make zero progress.

Over the past few years, I've been undergoing a shift in focus, battling an inner restlessness. I never could have anticipated that writing would be my jam. I received a C on a paper I wrote once in high school and I've carried the weight of this silly grade into most of my adult life. Every time I consider investing more time into writing, a big giant C flashes in red ink across my memory. To think something as small as a letter of the alphabet could have such say.

It's taken me a while to come around and say it aloud but here I go: THIS is what I want to do. I want to write, I want to speak. And though even I don't believe it at times, I have something to say.

People with a more business-oriented mind than I have asked what my plan is. Though the question might be a fair one, I hate it. I don't have a plan. I have ideas and I have passion but a plan I have not. Mostly I am feeling a call to really, truly dive in to this writing thing. To give it my all because it is life-giving to me and because I feel that Jesus is asking me to. My "plan" is to do what I love - to write about life and food and beauty and nutrition and marriage and parenting and hardship and what it means to live and breathe and serve my Savior while on this earth. I have discovered that living into this dream is not going to happen without a whole lot of effort on my part. No one else is going to carve out the space in my life for me to invest here. I'm not quite sure how it will all happen because, believe it or not, these kidlets seem to need every ounce of my time and attention whenever we are in the same space. ;) My husband and I are currently discussing how we can make this happen - to make room for something that makes me feel so incredibly alive - even if it means foregoing other things that may bide for our time and finances.

As I said at the beginning of this post, it was on Tuesday night that I finally voiced my writing struggles to my dear friend and fellow blogger Amy. I don't think it was coincidence that on Wednesday morning, she happened upon the information for a writing workshop put on by an organization called Hope Writers. Their blurb read:

The writing life can be overwhelming. There’s always something new to learn. Always some new tactic to try. Always some new platform to grow.

Always more.

What if there were a place to help you cut through the clutter and focus on what really matters?

Now there is.

I felt grossly under qualified until I read the last piece: "If you are searching for practical steps to move forward in your writing career, the Hope Writer's Workshop is for you. Or if you're looking for three days away from kids and family and the chaos of family life to focus."

Gulp. Amy shared this with me and 24 hours later, I took my biggest writing step ever and registered. I AM SO EXCITED I CAN HARDLY CONTAIN MYSELF!! I am also scared spitless and absolutely terrified.

With that said, I would love to grow my little community here. If you've been following me on this space, it would be so great to hear from you. I want to know what you love and if there is anything that you'd like to see more of. Mostly though, please know that I do this whole writing gig for me and if it just so happens that it benefits you too, then that's pretty awesome. But I would love to know you're reading. :)

1 comment:

  1. Woo HOO!!!! I cannot wait to go on this retreat with you. And let me yell something to the rafters - YOU DEFINITELY DO HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY! SOMETHING SO MANY PEOPLE, INCLUDING MYSELF NEED TO HEAR. IT MAY HAVE BEEN SAID BEFORE, BUT NOT BY YOU, NOT THROUGH YOUR EYES OR EXPERIENCE. I love you, girl. Rock on!


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